Strong words

In the paragraph what i "dread" there were many words that i thought were strong. But in particular these three words stood out once i read the paragraph again; Deteriorate, preferable, negligence. The word deteriorate makes me feel like if something was going bad. In the sentece it talks about how i deteriorate my son's life, this makes me believe that i'm doing something really bad to him. Its kind of like failing. When i hear this word it makes me think of my grades, because i would freak out if i get an F in any of my classes.